Friday, December 27, 2013

Review of "The Hobbit - The Desolation of Smaug"

This is my review of "The Hobbit - The Desolation of Smaug".  There ARE spoilers.  Continue reading at your own peril.

I'd heard a rumor that this movie comprised only two and a half chapters of the book but that is not the case:
  • Chapter 7 "Queer Lodgings" - they meet Beorn
  • Chapter 8 "Flies and Spiders" - they encounter the spiders of Mirkwood
  • Chapter 9 "Barrels out of Bond" - they are taken captive by Thranduil and the wood elves of Mirkwood and escape in the barrels
  • Chapter 10 "A Warm Welcome" - they arrive at Lake Town
  • Chapter 11 "On the Doorstep" - they search and find the "Back Door" to Erebor
  • Chapter 12 "Inside Information" - the Burglar earns his keep


The movie covers 6 of the 19 chapters in the book.

It appears that most of the discussion about the movie on the Internet stems from comparisons of the movie to its source material, The Hobbit.  The differences between the book and movie come from two sources: changes to the basic story and additional material added from the Silmarillion.

Let me eliminate the second category entirely from my discussion.  I LOVED the additional Silmarillion material.  While it forced the movie away from Tolkien's original purpose for his book as a story for children towards more adult material (like the Lord of the Rings), it provided necessary background material that better explained the significance of the Battle of Five Armies.  It turned the movie into epic fantasy.  [ By the way, the "Battle of Five Armies" was mentioned in the book near the beginning of Chapter 7. ]

But what about the changes to the basic story?

The chapter about Beorn had a number of deviances: the meeting of Beorn, the meal served by animals, another dwarf song (can you get enough of these?), and Beorn's warning about drinking the enchanted (cursed) water of Mirkwood.  In the book, the party met Beorn two-by-two; it's quaint by modern standards (like the shortened riddle game with Gollum under the mountain) and is perhaps why it was eliminated.  I'm glad we were able to see the honey bees and hives.  Beorn's protection of them once they'd left his house was consistent with the book.

The movie eliminated references to the black squirrels but did have cobwebs in Mirkwood nearly from their first entrance.  In the book, the party was "softened up" by Bombur falling into the enchanted stream and falling asleep so that they had to carry him.  Then the dwarves, out of food, encountered three fairy rings (classic high fantasy and fairy tales) with torches and food; pursuing these led them off of the trail and raised the ire of the king of the wood elves.  After being blinded by the third fairy ring, they were captured by the spiders (except Thorin who was taken by the wood elves).  In the movie, enchanted streams and fairy rings were abandoned and the dwarves were captured by the spiders and rescued by the elves, introducing Tauriel who is to The Hobbit what Arwen was to the Lord of the Rings (movies).  The movie did allow Bilbo to climb a tree and see the "black emperor" butterflies, but in the book, Mirkwood seemed to go on forever; in the movie he could see both Lake Town and the Lonely Mountain.

In the book, Bilbo spent about two weeks in the palace of the king of the wood elves, exploring it, finding food and shelter, and finally the location of the dwarves, almost exclusively wearing the ring, while the movie made it seem like it was mere hours (the sacrifice of the medium of movies).

In the book, the doors to the dwarves cells in the dungeon were solid (Bilbo had to speak to them through the keyholes); not so in the movie.  The doors were an artistic elven grillwork.

In the book, the barrels all had lids and air holes, we met the raft-elves, and the raftmen in Lake Town.  In the movie, it was like a "E ticket" ride at Disneyland (Splash Mountain?).  There was yet another final gate for the barrels to pass through which allowed another attack by the orcs and the arrow to Kili's leg which setup the party to be separated between Lake Town and the Mountain (I'm not sure what this added to the movie other than adding another extraneous reference to kingsfoil or athelas and Tauriel healing Kili).

In the book, the dwarves walk right up to Esgaroth ("Lake Town") and demand to see the Master.  When they do, they identify themselves and are feasted and pampered for two weeks, after which they head north up the Long Lake to the mountain; in the movie, they are snuck into town by Bard who changes to an antagonistic relationship with the dwarves when he realizes who they are.  Stephen Fry's main contribution to the movie role of the Master of Lake Town was his wispy moustache.  The movie added Alfrid, the Master's henchman, a more capable Otis to the Master's Lex Luthor.

In the book, Smaug's weakness is discovered by Bilbo during his second visit down into Erebor from the Back Door.  He communicates this to the dwarves on his return, is overheard by a large, black thrush (favored bird of the men of Dale), and passed onto Bard as Smaug heads down to Esgaroth to burn it to the ground (or, since it's built out on the water, down to the lake).  In the movie, Girion, Bard's ancestor dislodges one of Smaug's scales using up all but one of the "black arrows" which can only be fired by some kind of a dwarven crossbow there in Esgaroth.  What's it doing there?  It was there when Smaug arrived originally.  Did the dwarves predict this and present it to the Lake Townsmen as a defensive weapon?  [This is a huge plot hole.]  Bard now has one black arrow left in order to kill Smaug at the beginning of the third movie.  I hope he doesn't miss.

In the book, it took them two days to row north up the Long Lake to the Lonely Mountain.  I'm glad we didn't have to sit through that in the movie.

I'm not sure why Peter Jackson decided to split the dwarven party, leaving the youngest ones in Esgaroth.  In the book, the entire party traveled to the Lonely Mountain (even though the most overweight of the dwarves, Bombur and Bofur, were left at the bottom of the mountain and were pulled up by ropes before Smaug's first rampage after Bilbo stole the two-handled cup).  Granted, the large party wasn't fully used in the book.

There was a large focus in the movie on the Arkenstone.  This gem isn't even mentioned in the book until after Bilbo's second visit to Smaug.

In the book, Bilbo makes two trips down to Smaug in his lair (Erebor) and only talked with him during the second visit.  Each time Smaug leaves the mountain and looks for the dwarves, liberally applying his fiery breath to punish the thieves.  [Gollum called Bilbo a thief when he "stole" the Ring.]  The second time, Smaug proceeds down to Esgaroth to punish them as well.  In the movie, Bilbo's first visit is cut entirely so that Smaug only leaves the mountain once.

I have no clue why Peter Jackson decided to have the dwarves try to kill Smaug with the forges and molten gold.  Had he just watched the third Aliens movie where they tried to kill the alien with molten tin?  Yes, it made sense that the freshly poured gold had an outer skin that had briefly hardened and, when the molds were pulled away, the skin didn't hold.  It certainly didn't hold Smaug.  This was superfluous.


Conclusion?  From a story perspective, it's a different movie from the book and as long as you don't have high expectations of plot purity, you'll do fine.  From the added material from the Silmarillion, I'm still enjoying the broader epic material that this adds to the story.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

A Strong Tower - first comments

I just got comments back from my first alpha reader and learned two things:

  • Alpha readers really help to improve an author's writing.  Verb tenses, clarifying who's speaking, I had a "well-stocked bookstore" several hundred years before Gutenberg.  Thank you, +Esther Morrow.
  • Google Docs is a really good medium to share chapters and get very detailed comments back.  It's easy to interact with them.  Nice job, Google.

Saturday, November 30, 2013

NaNoWriMo - Day 30 (Final!)

My word count (in Scrivener) passed 50,000 words last night and that's what I posted up on NaNoWriMo but when I validated the word count in MS Word, it was only 46,700.  That's because I'd excluded 4 files of text (from the re-write of Chapter 7).  I re-included them this morning, since I actually did write those words, and validated my manuscript up on the NaNoWriMo website and passed!

Here's my final stats:



Here's the winner's banner that I can now post:




So, now I have an incomplete 50,286 word manuscript.  What's the next step?  Find some alpha readers and continue pushing it out to the end.  Then do a major re-write, find an agent, and see if I can get it published.

Woohoo!

Friday, November 29, 2013

NaNoWriMo - Day 29 (penultimate)

I completed almost 4700 words today for a Scrivener word count of over 50,000 words since November 1st.  I have to validate the word count in my manuscript on the NaNoWriMo website, so I decided to save the manuscript out as an .rtf file and load it into Word.  There the word count was only 46,700.  So, I'm still 3300 words short to complete NaNoWriMo.  I leave that for tomorrow.

Everyone is over in Jutland, even the observers.

Music: the Electronic for Studying Radio channel on Pandora.

Tea: Murchie's Prince Charles.

Headgear: Jayne hat from Firefly.

Thursday, November 28, 2013

NaNoWriMo - Day 28

Today was, gratefully, a good day for writing.  I completed a crumb over 4100 words today so that I just pushed myself over 45000 words since November 1st.

All of the work I did yesterday on the plot outline REALLY HELPED today.  I did find some things that I'd missed in the outline, but it really helped to know where everyone was at what time.  I've re-written most of that scene up to the point of the inquiry by the constable.  I'm concerned that if I cut out the original scene, its about 6000 words and that'll put me way behind.

I feel like there's a 3 axis camera on a telescoping boom in my head and I'm moving it around from one group to the next as I write.  I guess that's a good thing.  A real writer would talk about POV and perspective.  I don't know enough yet.

Everyone's still in Mæthelfar even though one quarter of the King's party has been moved over to Snoghøj in Jutland.  The couriers and the observers are still trying to play cat and mouse.

Music: the Electronic for Studying Radio channel on Pandora.

Tea: Murchie's Queen Victoria tea.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

NaNoWriMo - Day 27

Today was a bit frustrating in terms of word count (only 1335 words) getting me to 41000 words since November 1st.

That mostly because I was wrestling with a difficult scene: the morning after a murder is discovered with the fishermen in the town pitted against the farmers and the constable in the middle.  Meanwhile, the King and his party are trying to leave town by being taken across the smallest of the Danish straits (called the "Little Belt") except that the sailors and fisherman are all involved in the controversy and none are willing to sail.  Then on top of that, our couriers are indirectly involved in the murder and are trying to remain inconspicuous.

I wrote most of it last night, but in re-reading it this morning, it was spaghetti, so plotting that out took all day.  Here's what just part of the plot outline looks like:

I then printed up a map and simulated the movement of each of the parties:


Needless to say, this all took time away from producing words towards NaNoWriMo.  Hopefully, I can use today's planning tomorrow .

Music: the Gregorian Chant Radio channel on Pandora and brown noise.

Tea: Murchie's Prince Charles tea.

Plotting Chart

I revised the Plotting Chart so that it now has time of day horizontally across it.  I'm at a part of the story where I'm having problems keeping track of who is where when...


NaNoWriMo - Day 26

I completed a tittle over 3300 words today so that I'm within striking distance of 40000 words since November 1st.

Our couriers have left town to rendesvous with their "ride".  The King's party has finally gotten a way off of Fyn over to Jutland.  The constable is investigating three deaths in town that night.

Music: the Gregorian Chant Radio channel on Pandora and brown noise.

Tea: none, only water.

Monday, November 25, 2013

NaNoWriMo - Day 25

I completed almost 1400 words today for a total of a trifle over 36,000 words since November 1st.

The scene that I'd written last night morphed into something completely different!  Ninjas and zombies.  Well at least zombies.  Well, maybe one zombie until they hacked his head off.

Music: the Gregorian Chant Radio channel on Pandora.

Tea: Murchie's Prince Charles.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

NaNoWriMo - Day 24

Between necessary errands, the Doctor Who 50th Anniversary, and a new ultrabook which wasted way more time hammering Windows 8 into usefulness, I got no words done yesterday.

I completed a speck over 2000 words today for a total of a trifle over 35,000 words since November 1st.

The King and his party have left Fyn.  Our couriers have almost left Fyn and hope to do so in a way that strands their followers.

Music: the Gregorian Chant Radio channel on Pandora.

Tea: green.

Friday, November 22, 2013

NaNoWriMo - Day 22

I completed a smidge over 2000 words today for a total of a lick over 33,000 words since November 1st.

Essentially no writing the previous two nights, hence no posts.  The third week has been harder than the second week: things undone are clamoring to be caught up plus I'm just exhausted.

The couriers have scouted the town and found where the King is staying.  Lærke is attacked but her attacker is killed.  She is injured.  The next morning they have to cross the Lillebælt over to Jutland.

Music: the Baroque Radio channel on Pandora.

Tea: green.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

NaNoWriMo - Day 19

I completed 1515 words today for a total of a freckle over 30,000 words since November 1st.

All parties have made it to Mæthelfar.  The King's party is staying in the middle of town, the couriers ducked their watchers and made it over to the chapel and Brother Jesper, leaving the observers in the stable of the inn (because there was room there).

Music: the Baroque Radio channel on Pandora.

Tea: none tonight.

Monday, November 18, 2013

NaNoWriMo - Day 18

I completed 1988 words today for a total of almost 28,500 words since November 1st.

The couriers woke up to one of the observers asleep in their room.  He'd gotten up to relieve himself during the night and had wandered back into the wrong room, gratefully on an unoccupied couch.

Music: the Baroque Radio channel on Pandora.

Tea: none tonight.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

NaNoWriMo - Day 17

Today was a half marathon day of writing even though I was catching up for 2 days of more or less 0 words written.  I completed 3971 words today for a total of 26,400 words since November 1st.  I'm over half way done.  I got a lot done on the Introduction (including 2 new maps) and was able to draw the map of the tavern.

The couriers have reached the Hound and Bear tavern and have met their host, Donal McKelvey.  The observers are also staying at the tavern, in the room next to them.  The King and his party are in the field to the east of the tavern.

Music: synth chamber music by James Walraven, the Baroque Radio channel on Pandora, and lots of "brown" noise.  I'm so grateful for these Bose noise-cancelling headphones.

Tea: Prince Charles from Murchie's.

Map of the Hound and Bear Tavern

The next place that they come to is the Hound and Bear Tavern.  This is the map for that location:


Map of Denmark

Next, I added the labels to my map of Denmark (I'd adapted the map from a screen capture from Google Maps last week).



It includes all of the major areas of Denmark (and its surrounding countries) and the 3 straits feeding water from the Baltic Sea to the North Atlantic.

This went into the Introduction this morning as well.

Map of Scandinavia

This morning started by taking a  map of Scandinavia from Wikipedia...


...cropping it and recoloring the countries to that I could identify them in my Introduction by referring to the color:


The blue is Denmark (not showing Greenland on the map).

NaNoWriMo - Day 16

Today was a good day for the family, nuclear and extended.  No writing.  I am way, WAY behind.  Tomorrow I hope to be a marathon day of writing.

NaNoWriMo - Day 15

Essentially no writing today.  The new Acer netbook arrived, so I set it up.

The main frustration is that after 24 hours all networking (wired and wireless) failed so it's going back to Amazon on Monday for a full refund; Acer would take the laptop for a mininum of a week and try to fix it.  If the hardware breaks after 24 hours, they should just replace it with a new one.  No more Acer hardware for me.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

NaNoWriMo - Day 14

Today was a good day of writing.  I completed 2542 words today for a total of 22,200 words since November 1st.  I'm over 2/5s of the way to my goal and I caught up a bit .

The couriers are on the road, as is the King's party, and the Bishop's "spies" Brothers Bent and Torben.  They're playing leapfrog as they make their way from Odense to Mæthelfar.

No music tonight.  Just "brown" noise in the headphones.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

NaNoWriMo - Day 13

I completed 1540 words today for a total of 19,600 words since November 1st.

Today generated less words than I hoped for but there was a dialog in Wittenberg that required a lot of research.  I'm past that and things should pick up tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

NaNoWriMo - Day 12

I completed 2141 words today (much better!) which means I've written over 18,000 words since November 1st.

Today was a good day for writing.  I had a good handle on the plot.  All three parties are on the road headed southwest away from Odense towards the highway.

I also added a bit of the Wittenberg backstory for Prince Hartaknud (Hamlet); this is made a bit more challenging for me than for Shakespeare since the University of Wittenberg wasn't founded until 1502 and I'm stuck here in the eleventh century.  So I've contrived a Herr Professor Swithin who was kicked out of Oxford (founded in 1096, close enough), rejected by the University of Bologna, who has set himself up in Wittenberg as a professor of the arts, law, medicine, and theology for students of wealthy families (who don't do their due diligence).

An amazing map of Denmark

As I was searching for a topological map of the island of Fyn, I came across this amazing map of Denmark.


This map is from the Latin edition of Willem Janszoon and Joan Blaeu's Theatrum orbis terrarum, sive, Atlas novus, the "New Atlas".  At least it was new in 1645 when it was first published.

The maps are amazing.  The one for Iceland shows an erupting volcano.

Source: http://unitproj.library.ucla.edu/cris/blaeu/

Monday, November 11, 2013

NaNoWriMo - Day 11

I only completed 1356 words today which means I've written just a bit over 16,000 words since November 1st.

I did better today than I did yesterday.  The plot is falling into place.  There are a number of groups traveling south along the Odense Å towards the highway that runs west-east across Fyn.  Timing is critical.

Plotting Chart

I'm a tool builder and since I'm struggling with the plot, I thought I'd throw together a quick "plotting chart" so that I'd remember what threads are tangled up in the current ball of yarn and who is doing what when.


It's possible that looking at this chart too closely might be considered a spoiler before reading the actual book...

Sunday, November 10, 2013

NaNoWriMo - Day 10

I only completed 998 words today which means I've written just a bit over 14,600 words since November 1st.

I've come to a bit of a wall in the plot.  I know in general what is supposed to happen, but not in enough detail to actually write it, so I feel I'm vamping a bit trying to get words that are wandering until I get a strong enough sense of what's supposed to happen.  I'm not sure how to force this in order to get the minimum 1666 words a day...

Saturday, November 9, 2013

NaNoWriMo - Day 9

I completed 1873 words today which means I've written just a bit over 13,600 words since November 1st.  I'm still behind but will try to be more consistent.

The couriers have faced the Bishop of Odense and the King's brother.  They have left the abbey for Jelling.

I'm still listening to Gregorian Chant Radio on Pandora tonight as I was writing.  Since I've left the abbey, I should probably change the music I'm listening to.  I can't find a Viking Radio channel...

NaNoWriMo - Day 8

Yesterday was pitiful, only 267 words.  I was exhausted after a long week of training prep and recording.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

NaNoWriMo - Day 7

I completed 2014 words today which means I've written just a smidge over 11,500 words since November 1st.

The couriers are about to face the Bishop of Odense and King Knud of Denmark.

I'm still listening to Gregorian Chant Radio on Pandora tonight as I was writing.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

NaNoWriMo - Day 6

I completed 2092 words today which means I've written just a smidge over 9500 words since November 1st.  Not caught up but a good word count since 1666 is the daily minimum to meet the 50K word goal by the end of the month.

The couriers are in a proper dilemma and don't know whether they've had the correct solution chosen for them.

I was listening to Gregorian Chant Radio on Pandora tonight as I was writing.  It helped that the words to the songs they were singing were in Latin.

NaNoWriMo - Day 5

I only completed 415 words yesterday.  With Tech Forum at work, it was a very long day and there was not much time to write.

I have discovered that it's far easier to fall behind than it is to get ahead (in NaNoWriMo and in life).

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

NaNoWriMo - Day 4

I was only able to write 633 words last night.  Not enough but still ahead of schedule.

I did update the Map of Fyn and posted that last night.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Map of the Island of Fyn (Funen) - Update

I added a bit more detail to the map of Fyn including the 2 straits on either side of the island: the Little Belt (Danish: Lillebælt) between Jutland and Fyn and the Great Belt (Danish: Storebælt) between Fyn and Sjælland.  Also, the route between Mæthelfar and Jelling was added.



Sunday, November 3, 2013

NaNoWriMo - Day 3

I completed 2220 words today (for a total of 6368) so I'm on target to complete on time (actually, if I'm consistent, which is more than I can hope for, on November 24th).

I seem to be taking 3 hours to complete the daily 2000 words.  Part of that is doing a bit of research (like the determining the ecclesiastical organization of 11th century Denmark) and then getting distracted like a hound after a rabbit.

I'm in Chapter 2 and Sten andLærke are about to choose whether to become couriers for the Abbey and for the Catholic church.

My work environment is my Windows 7 desktop PC at home, Scrivener for writing, Evernote for research, Bose noise-cancelling headphones, and a pot of Darjeeling tea.
What's the story behind A Strong Tower?

This novel is a re-telling of Hamlet (actually a pre-telling), slid from the 14th century into the 11th century and moved 6 months before Hamlet's dad is murdered.  While it starts on the cold parapet of Elsinore Castle (as Shakespeare's play does), there is no ghost since Hamlet (Sr.) is not dead (yet).  The characters in Hamlet will not use Shakespeare's un-Danish names.

This period of history in Scandinavia is a time of affluence.  Most of the wealth of Europe is here.  Life is easy.  Holding onto it is difficult.  Saxons (what will become northern Germany) are moving north into Jutland.  Normans are moving into the Danish-held British Isles.  Norway, Sweden, and Denmark constantly fight each other.

The story is told from the point of view of 3 Danes who go to work for the Roman Catholic church as a courier team delivering messages (and collecting information).  They work out of a Benedictine abbey (the Abbey of St. Knud) on the island of Fyn.


They are being led/trained by a monk, Brother Einar, from the abbey.  He is the quiet voice of God's wisdom in the background.


They will increasingly encounter Hamlet (Sr.), his son Hamlet, his mother Gertrude, and the uncle Claudius.  Most of the cast of Hamlet will be represented (Horatio, Polonius, Laertes, Ophelia, etc.).


At this point, it looks like I will be abandoning Shakespeare's non-Danish names for ones more consistent with that time in history.  For example, Hamlet's father is Knud II ("the Great").  Horatio is Hrothgar.  Elsinore Castle is Kronborg (the historic site Shakespeare used for the setting of his play).

Now, back to writing...

Saturday, November 2, 2013

NaNoWriMo - Day 2

I completed over 2500 words today (plus the map of Fyn) so I've caught up to where I'm supposed to be.

I'm in Chapter 2 (of the first draft) and a newly killed warthog has been delivered by Lærke to the kitchen; the cook is happy.

Map of the Island of Fyn (Funen)

I've not gotten around to writing yet today because I was held up by needing a map of the island of Fyn to help me know where each of the characters are.



Fyn is the 3rd largest island in Denmark.  The largest city on Fyn is Odense which is the 3rd largest city in Denmark.

Odense is also where the Abbey of St. Knud is located.  Today, Odense Cathedral stands on the spot where the abbey had been located.

Now onto writing...

Friday, November 1, 2013

NaNoWriMo - Day 1

I completed 1580 words today and 5 out of 6 scenes in Chapter 1.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Second Draft of Abbey Map

Some trees were added to the map to make it a bit more organic.  In addition, there is a table and benches beneath the tree in the lower left, a place from which to contemplate God's work in the abbey and discuss things of import.


Sunday, October 27, 2013

First Draft of Abbey Map

The purpose of this blog is to document my progress during the month of November 2013 as I attempt NaNoWriMo for the first time.  30 days.  2000 words (4.4 pages) a day.

Move of October has been spent researching history and trying to write my plot outline and supporting documentation.

Part of that preparation means coming up with mock-ups or diagrams of certain key locations.  One of those is the Abbey of St. Knud on Odense.  Attached is a plan view of the abbey (my fictional view of the abbey) that I completed earlier today.


Note that I am taking a few liberties with the precise year that things take place in.  For example, according to Wikipedia, the abbey was founded in 1096.  I need it to be in place prior to that.